Day Two

I've been so down lately, my sleep is off and I have not been able to fall asleep till 4 or 5 am... the other day i took some meds for it and I was out of it for 36 hours. I'm cycling from depression to hypo-mania then down again. I have not work in 3 or more weeks and I just falling apart. The only think holding me together is my drawing. Well, of course, now I'm second guessing even that. I mean, who the hell do i think I am, my stuff might be ok, but I'm no Gary Larson or MARK PARISI.

Nope, not even close. I've been doing the cartoons for years off and on and I have always found a reason to give it up... 9/11 was my best reason but I think it was also a crutch too.

(cartoon removed)Since I restarted the again I feel my style has improved 100%. I bought a few books and did lots of research on the subject. I have learned so much that I thought of branch away from just drawing the subject of ******** The Freudian slip cartoon below was one of my first non-industry cartoons. I will post more as I go. here is one of my latest. With the thought of what would happen if Superman burped or farted.

The cartoons have been a type of therapy for me, but I need to find a way to make some money with it also since I can't feed a family of six off a cartoon.

I'm making a few buck with my Google stuff on my other site so i think I will do that with these cartoon and try to see it I can get some published.

The problem is my illness, some times I just have no self worth what so ever and I get paranoid over my work. i am coming to realize I yearn for acceptance with my work and I think I'm bugging the friend i have left to death to get it. I'm not really sure why I need this... i thinking because by them liking my work is by extension saying they like me... LOL This is where I see a flaw in that thinking... since I really never cared about how people thought of me... but I guess deep down we all care to some degree.

I think for my own checks and balances I will add a daily mood chart to the end of my posts.

MOOD CHART:
Today I'm depresses, tired, and over whelmed. My friend just go backer Acted again (2nd time this month) and in truth I feel i should have been there a few times this month. I have no meds and I have been a mess for the last few months. My famaily is suffering along with me... God I need help!

chato

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